"In the East techniques for achieving control over consciousness proliferated and achieved levels of enormous sophistication. Although quite different from one another in many respects, the yogi disciplines in India, the Taoist approach to life developed in China, and the Zen varieties of Buddhism all seek to free consciousness from the deterministic influences of outside forces-be they biological or social in nature. Thus, for instance, a yogi disciplines his mind to ignore pain that ordinary people would have no choice but to let into their awareness;  similarly he can ignore the insistent claims of hunger or sexual arousal that most people would be helpless to resist. The same effect can be achieved in different ways, either through perfecting a severe mental discipline as in Yoga or through cultivating constant spontaneity as in Zen. But the intended result is identical: to free inner life from the threat of chaos, on the one hand, and from the rigid conditioning of biological urges, on the other, and hence to become independent form the social controls that exploit both. 

But if it is true that people have known for thousands of years what it takes to become free and in control of one's life, why haven't we made more progress in this direction? Why are we as helpless, or more so, than our ancestors were in facing the chaos that interferes with happiness?" - Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

More to come....

There has been so much sensory input this past week and a half... I feel a little weak and shaky now that I've landed in a hotel room in Albuquerque. Went to Ampersand Educational Center for Sustainable Living today, and got to put some plants in the ground, and water some seedlings. It was grounding to be on that ground!

I am looking forward to a break in the New Mexico action as I prepare to attend a 10-day Yoga Therapy training at Circle Yoga Shala in Jasper, AK. An opportunity to learn and grow, in a beautiful and sacred space. 

Going swimming now. See ya.

Today I finally screwed up the courage to top off the water in my six 6-volt batteries. This was tantamount to doing a yoga asana practice, but more nerve-wracking cuz if you screw up you can die. WIth the help of a turkey baster and a long funnel I believe I managed to do it... the batteries are down low and in a very dark corner. Trying to see what I was doing so didn't over or under fill, and not spill water on the batteries themselves (an exercise in futility), required kneeling on brick floor and use of a strong camping light. After I accomplished this task I decided I wanted to educate myself more about the batteries and solar power system I'm on. I have resources: files from the former owner and of course, the internet. Most of it is still utterly unfathomable to me. Math formulas for converting watts to volts, how to program the charger, blah blah blah. This will take time and patience for my almost 60-year-old brain to absorb. Meanwhile, everything is running smoothly; I now can use my cell phone in the house thanks to a Verizon booster which works really great. My next task is to put a little bleach in the water cisterns for cleaning purposes, and then research alternatives to bleach. Then its into town to get a driver's license and pay for the dump...I have to haul my own trash. Happy trails from New Mexico!

So..... I have spent my days here in Taos most productively in many areas: I've got services (internet, landline phone), I've got contractors, and I've got appliances coming (a washer and dryer). I also have an increased trust in my powers to intuit things (I KNEW my dishwasher wasn't broken, and sure enough, its an outlet problem and should be easily fixed. Dishwasher works great if plugged into an active outlet).

I got clarity that my St. Louis furniture is not right for this home and I am selling all of it. Well 90%.. there are a couple of things I might keep). This house talks, and I listen. It is amazing how comfortable I am with very little. I might go with bare bones furnishings for awhile and slowly accumulate what I need.

The land talks too. Tonight I stood face to the wind and felt this immense love of the Earth. Everything comes from her.

I have been blessed with the right people to do the work I need. Last night I was visited by an 18-year old Texan (so beautiful with dark skin and eyes) and he told me his story. Bad actor when young, jailed for fighting a number of times, dad in jail for 25 years for possession of weed and probably because he was a member of a motorcycle club the Bandidos. When he was sixteen he became a father, found God and is living with the mother of now two daughters aged 1 and 3. He is working to be a plumber, can do landscaping, and after his regular job does odd jobs which is why he came to Jack Rabbit Mud Flats. I needed an electrical consult for the light over my range which inexplicably stopped working (or maybe not...maybe I needed to meet Brian). To continue with his story: he loves his daughters passionately and is committed to making his life better in order to support and care for them. He is staying with the girls' mother because he feels it is best for them; it doesn't sound like its a bad relationship though. He has a very positive view on life.

The sweat lodge and tree ceremony over the weekend were phenomenal. The tree was so beautiful and the way they honored her was so sweet. There were about 18 people and no drama. A mix of native and white and ? Brazilian ? The sweat was profound and not at all what I expected. Howard Bad Hand (70-something year old Lakota who has a deep study of the I Ching and from whom I had two readings) always complains that he doesn't like to sweat due to heat. He says doing it is part of the job as a Sundance chief. So I thought it would be this wimpy warm sweat. Wrong, dead wrong. First of all, all sixteen stones were brought in at once by my friend John (another 70-something year old. He and Howard are old friends and colleagues and they are as tough as they are sweet. I traveled with them to the lodge. Lovely). Second, there is essentially one door, but Howard will say that he's getting hot and ask for the door to be opened. This looooooong after I have been silently praying for some respite and that the door be opened. But I held my tongue. Not because I wanted to win an endurance contest, but out of respect and from trust that it would be opened before I died. Third, although we sang (Dine songs I think... there were only a couple I knew or recognized), we didn't exactly pray. Instead, one by one each person had a "session" with Eagle Thunder, a Thunder Being for whom Howard is an intercessor. And each individual in the lodge got good equal time with ET as Howard calls him? Her? whatever.

We prayed before we went in the lodge; we each took a pinch of tobacco, prayed, and after everybody prayed, the tobacco was loaded into two chanupas. After all the women went in, followed by all the men, then the conversation with ET began. After about 8 guys has their time, it was my turn. Before I spoke, I was completely at a loss as to what to say to ET. I also had a strong sense of Leo, accompanied by a feeling of guilt. When I did speak, I first asked for some guidance for some friends who had asked for prayers. I then asked about my new life, and how best to proceed, and then I asked about how to maintain the relationship with my "family" in St. Louis.

ET's response to the my friends' situation was spot on. He then nailed me on being aware (you are gonna get some lightning bolts) and that its time to do my dance, and to love myself and that I could best share a love for others by loving myself. "It's OK to feel good" he told me. He used a Sundance metaphor of the tail whip, which is the light whip that dancers receive at the end of a round when they sit down and the singers are still ready to sing and the drummers to drum. The tail whip goes out to encourage the people to dance even after they feel tired. Hence I need to get out there and do my dance (not as a Sundancer, thank you Mitakuye Oyasin). ET told me to stay connected to my beloved Brothers and Sisters of my soul, that they are not going away and they love me and I just needed to stay connected.

Then he told me he had a transmission "from your dog". I started crying. Leo said he missed me and that he was alone too much. He just wants to be with me, wherever I am. If he could speak English he would tell me more. I deeply felt the truth in these words. I knew Leo was not getting enough attention from me since I've been so wrapped up in my own pre-move angst. I also resolved to call a dear friend and have him go visit Leo while I'm here. (It has been done). I really get now how much Leo loves me. It was a pretty awesome transmission. 

After I got back from Ceremony I got busy again and more was accomplished. I made it to a yoga class at Taosatva, a studio 3 miles away. Met some women and had a good time. I'm learning about the solar system and the compost toilet. I go to bed by 11pm and get up by 7am, feeling energized. Everything is flowing. I have NO FEAR. I am HOME.

Over the twenty plus years I have been practicing and teaching yoga, I have learned to be humble. It is a vast practice, and I had no clue what I was getting into when I started. I thought, like many people, that yoga was some weird and impractical activity, unlike weight lifting, cycling, running, and swimming which I did with gusto. A colleague had to trick me into attending my first class, saying it was a "stretch class" which I felt I needed since I didn't stretch much. 

I immediately loved my first class since it was physically challenging but left me feeling fantastic. It required many classes, workshops, teacher trainings, and a trip to India to wake me up to the fact that what we call yoga in the U.S. is really asana or posture practice. I learned that the asanas themselves are not much older than the late 1800's, when Great Britain invaded India. Some postures it is true existed long before that, but Yoga in India is viewed as a path to spiritual enlightenment, and asana but a tiny foot step on that path.

Over the years I honed my practice, spent years with highly knowledgeable teachers, exposed myself to classical texts, and went to India. I learned to have a deep and abiding love and respect for the many facets of Yoga. I also began my employment as a caregiver for seniors, and got my degree as an Occupational Therapy Assistant. Thus I started to question what I was teaching in classes, and what was being touted as yoga, and how yoga could be adapted to suit those with special needs.

Yoga Therapy was developed as a practical response to the need to distinguish classes with an emphasis on getting a good workout from practices which emphasize clear seeing and understanding of the body, mind, and spirit. The Yoga Therapy field can be applied in a class setting, but more often it is found in a one-on-one relationship of client/student and teacher/therapist. Since it is holistic, it embraces a full picture of health: from movement function, to diet and behavioral changes (Ayurveda), and spiritual alignment. I am happy to have finally found my seat (one of ways we define asana) in the field of Yoga Therapy. It is a true coming home to my Self.